I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
