I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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