and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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