I CAN MOONWALK!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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