im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
