god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
