those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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