I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
