Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
