I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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