Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
