took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
