she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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