you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I yelled at your uterus for you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
