she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
