I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
