I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
