Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
