I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
