he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
we're so committed to being not committed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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