seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I stole a fireplace last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
