So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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