There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
