it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
