i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This is my gift to your gina
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
