Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
