I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
