is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
