quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
