yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
