Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
