Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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