Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
