Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
