I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
