So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
