I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
