false alarm. still invincible.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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