haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
