She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
