so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
