____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
