I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
