I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Drake has all the answers
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
