nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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