I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
