watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
