That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize