My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The air taste purple.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
