I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
