Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
