Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
