Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im holly from the hills drunk
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
